Overcoming Imposter Syndrome After Returning to Work Post-Divorce

You got the job. You signed the offer letter. You showed up on your first day, found your desk, accepted a cup of chai from a colleague, and smiled when someone asked how you were finding it. And then, somewhere around lunchtime, the thought arrived: they are going to find out I do not belong here.

This is imposter syndrome. And if you are returning to work after a divorce — after a gap, after years of being defined by a different role, after a period that may have involved significant emotional upheaval — the chances are high that you are feeling it right now, or will feel it the moment you start. That is not a personality flaw. It is one of the most consistent experiences reported by career returnees, and it is particularly intense for people navigating life transitions.

The good news: it is workable. Not fixable overnight, but workable — with the right tools and the right framework for understanding what is actually happening.

What is imposter syndrome, and why does it hit so hard after returning to work?

Imposter syndrome is the persistent belief that you are not as capable as others perceive you to be, and the fear that you will eventually be "found out." It was first described by researchers in the 1970s and has been studied extensively since. What we know is this: it is not limited to people who are actually underqualified. It is, paradoxically, often strongest in people who are highly competent and conscientious.

For divorce returnees specifically, the conditions are almost designed to produce it. You have been away from the professional environment for some time. The world of work may have changed in ways that feel disorienting. You may be questioning whether the skills you had are still relevant. You are, simultaneously, managing an emotional transition that takes real cognitive and emotional resources. And you may be carrying social messages — from family, from the culture, from your own internal voice — suggesting that you chose family over career and somehow forfeited your professional identity in the process.

None of that is true. But it creates a potent cocktail of self-doubt.

What are the three specific forms of imposter syndrome for divorce returnees?

The generic description of imposter syndrome does not quite capture what divorce returnees experience. There are three forms that appear most consistently:

"I don't belong here anymore." This is the belonging form. It shows up as a sense that the workplace has moved on without you, that you are behind, that everyone else shares a common reference frame that you somehow missed. It is triggered by jargon you do not recognise, tools you have not used, processes that are new. It feels like being a foreigner in a country you used to live in.

"Everyone will find out I don't know modern tools." This is the obsolescence form. It focuses specifically on technical or tool-based skills — software, platforms, methodologies that have changed while you were away. It produces a particular kind of dread: the fear that in any given meeting, someone will ask you to do something that will expose how much you have missed.

"I got this opportunity only because they felt sorry for me." This is the pity-hire form, and it is particularly cruel because it takes something you should feel good about — getting hired — and turns it into evidence of your inadequacy. It says: the only reason you are here is because someone took pity on you, not because you are genuinely capable. This form is especially common among women returners, and among people who disclosed significant personal circumstances during their job search.

What is the imposter syndrome paradox?

Here is the uncomfortable truth: the more competent you become, the more intensely you may feel imposter syndrome. This seems backwards but it has been documented repeatedly. More competent people tend to be more aware of how much they do not know. They are more likely to compare themselves to others who appear more confident or more accomplished. They are more likely to attribute their own success to luck or external factors rather than to their own ability.

Less capable people, by contrast, often suffer from what researchers call the Dunning-Kruger effect — they do not know enough to know what they are missing. The very fact that you are acutely aware of the gaps in your knowledge is, paradoxically, a signal that you are paying close attention and thinking carefully. That is what good professionals do.

This does not make the feeling less uncomfortable. But it is worth knowing.

How do you challenge imposter thoughts in the moment?

The table below maps the most common imposter thoughts that divorce returnees report, with a fact-check and a reframe for each:

What is the five-step process for when imposter syndrome strikes at work?

When the feeling hits — in a meeting, before sending an email, before speaking up — use this sequence:

1. Name it. Literally say to yourself, silently or in writing: "This is imposter syndrome." Naming it creates distance. It stops the thought from masquerading as objective truth.

2. Separate the feeling from the fact. Ask: "Is this thought a feeling or a verified fact?" Almost always, it is a feeling. Feelings are real but they are not evidence.

3. Check your wins list. Keep a running list — in your notes app, in a journal, anywhere — of specific things you did well since returning: a problem you solved, feedback you received, a task you completed independently. Read it when the imposter feeling arrives.

4. Compare yourself to past-you, not to colleagues. You are not supposed to be where your most experienced colleague is. You are supposed to be ahead of where you were three months ago. If you are, you are succeeding.

5. Do the thing anyway. Send the email. Raise your hand in the meeting. Submit the work. Imposter syndrome shrinks when confronted with action. It grows when you accommodate it by staying silent.

Keep a wins list — this one tool is worth practising

A wins list sounds almost too simple to work. It works anyway. Every day, write down one to three things that went reasonably well at work. Not triumphs. Not moments of genius. Small things: a clear explanation you gave in a meeting, a deadline you met, a colleague you helped, a problem you solved. Keep this somewhere you can access easily.

When imposter syndrome arrives — and it will arrive, repeatedly, especially in the first few months — read the list. Not to convince yourself you are wonderful. To give your brain evidence that contradicts the narrative of inadequacy. Evidence matters. Feelings without evidence will not stand up to a list of concrete facts.

When does imposter syndrome become something to take seriously?

If imposter syndrome is causing you to avoid doing your job, to stay silent when you should speak, to miss opportunities repeatedly, or if it is producing significant anxiety or depression, it has moved beyond the normal range. At that point, professional support is not a luxury — it is a sensible response to a real problem.

iCall (9152987821), run by the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, offers affordable and accessible counselling support. They work with people navigating exactly this kind of transition. Calling them is not a sign that you cannot handle things. It is a sign that you are taking your wellbeing seriously.

The RekinDil Academy career track also addresses imposter syndrome specifically — through community peer support and structured guidance for professionals navigating a return to work after a major life transition. The community there is full of people who have felt exactly what you are feeling and who can tell you, from their own experience, that it gets better.

One thing to hold onto

Every professional you admire has felt some version of this. The senior colleague who seems completely confident has their own version of the 2am doubt. The person who always speaks up in meetings has felt the fear of saying the wrong thing. The difference is not that they stopped feeling it. The difference is that they stopped letting it make decisions for them.

You belong in that room. You earned your place. The feeling will catch up with the fact — but first, you have to keep showing up.